What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 27.06.2025 05:23
This is soul school!.
One cannot live in the past .
Would this be the day?
My life is so biszare .
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Do you think Harris will win thanks to Taylor Swift and the Swifties?
I will be 64.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Im still living with it.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
He knew the spot.
We were not on the streets..
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
ETH, SOL 'very rare' staking ETFs may launch imminently — Analysts - Cointelegraph
We all went to grammer schools
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Hauler Talk: Dissecting the wet-weather tire rules for Mexico City - NASCAR.com
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
But it wasn’t much.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Dementia: Switching to MIND diet even later in life can lower risk - Medical News Today
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Dementia: Tactile decline may signal early cognitive impairment - PsyPost
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Tuesday Telescope: Lighting, sprites, and airglow over Central America - Ars Technica
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I was 9 years of age.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I couldn’t, believe it.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
He resisted the act ,that day.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I was scared of men, in general
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Especially a lifetime of it.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
She was in good health!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I waited trembling.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Who then, do I blame.?
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I did it because my mum asked me too!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
So, i spoilt her more .
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
So whats the point in blame.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
All the time i was locked up.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I think the readers, may guess!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
She found it foreign!.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I could never make a relationship work though!
But, we were locked up after school.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I don,t even have a pension.
What did i know ?
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
My family never makes their pension either.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
And i lived it daily.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Why did i forgive my father ?
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I write beautiful poetry .
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
The only rule us 5 kids had .
(And it was in our own minds.)
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Comes on , in middle age.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I was seconnd youngest,
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
It was going to be , some day.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
But ive been too sick for many years..
She wouldn,t have been !
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
She loved him until the end.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I was very sick at this time too.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
She married twice! .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I have no regrets .
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Ive learnt so much.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Put me off passion for life!!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I said to her
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Was to survive, this bastard.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
When she asked me how she looked .
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.